Relationships and Chronic Illness

Before my ex-husband and I got together, I did for a moment consider if two sick people was a really bad idea. I asked myself ‘do two wrongs make a right?’. Well technically no they don’t, but on the other hand, being the sick one in a relationship with someone who is well and cannot relate to you is torture, similarly being well and dating  someone who is not has got to be pretty grueling. After all, who wants to listen to someone complaining about their health? Don’t we want to feel inspired and invigorated in a relationship, not brought down and dismal. Truth is as we get older illness is a reality, if its not one its the other’s health that will decline, perhaps that’s inevitable.

So how to cope with each others misfortunes without loosing the bond that brought us together? This is where empathy comes into play. Empathy I discovered throughout my life, is a very rare life skill to posses. Not many people seem to have mastered it and not many care to either. I wonder whether empathy could be the ultimate test of enlightenment, I bet Buddha was an early proponent of empathy. So what exactly is empathy?


The Oxford English Dictionary says empathy is ‘The ability to understand and share the feelings of another’. Simple right? wrong. Receiving empathy as someone with a chronic illness can be like trying to get blood out of a stone. In part this may be because often chronic illness’s can be invisible and people judge a person by how they look. This is understandable, but I have been met often with suspicion, even been treated as someone who is looking for attention. Truth is after so many years being ill but being denied I am ill by the medical profession (even after a Lyme D diagnosis),  I learned how to suffer quietly. A friend once messaged me after she learned I had been diagnosed, and said ‘but how come you never seemed ill?’, like I must be faking it. What is hard to explain is that I always did feel ill, it dominated so much of my everyday life that I often had to have a drink to get away from feeling ill. The anxiety I experienced, the pain, the depression, without any medical support I turned to the only other support I knew. But oh how I suffered afterwards, and so continued the cycle of suffering. What people don’t tend to consider is that you don’t see sick people on their bad days, and that the reason why we hide away for such long periods is not that we are crap friends, but that we are suffering and don’t  want to be seen that way, or know how to express it.

I suspect there is a lot of people out there who’s lives are but a shadow of what they could have been because of a misdiagnosis, and often these people are made to feel degraded by relying on benefits, and sometimes relying on medications. But hardly ever will they receive empathy, quite the opposite, often society condemn such people as scroungers and are despised.

You cannot see a bacterial infection such as Lyme D, and its many co-infections. So when you decide that someone does not deserve your concern because they look OK, think again.

I suppose I learned about empathy through being sick myself, I am genuinely interested in listening to people who are sick, and I want them to know that I understand how they feel. So why is it so hard for other people to do so? Maybe they have never been sick before?  Or maybe they feel, for whatever reason, they have a harder time of it than you? What I discovered is that there is often a competition for empathy, sometimes people you meet feel that they are worse off than you. Maybe they have rarely experienced empathy from others also? Such is the nature of this evasive little life skill. Comparing situations is childlike, without walking in another shoes how can one judge how another is feeling?

As a person with chronic illness’s I have to ‘fake it’ every day. What has given me strength is other ‘Lymies’, when you think you got it bad you always meet or hear someone else who has it equally as tough or tougher. We find that its common to be treated like we are actually faking the illness rather than faking the wellness, and often see a stark contrast between those who are diagnosed with a condition such as Cardio-Vascular disease or even Cancer. People stumble over themselves to support people with these more well known conditions, yet chronic illness is treated with suspicion. Personally I think it exposes a fundamental flaw in the ‘human condition’,  and that is our need for endorsement or validation, before we are willing to give our care, our concern. Indeed I see it as a great weakness of human nature.

I discovered that despite how sick I felt, I still had a lot to give, and I gave those around me the empathy they needed, at my darkest times I found I could give even when I was not receiving. Perhaps it is the cornerstone of  humanity, but it can be a thankless task that can be taken for granted, and so for those who give empathy, I salute you! and those who need empathy, cherish it! Hold it dear, it is a ruby in a mountain of rocks.





Parasites; Opening a Can of Worms.


Using anti parasite medication is a no brainer if you have Lyme, IMO it has been the most helpful medication for me much more so than ABX. Not least because some of the co-infections of Lyme are actually microscopic parasites but also because Lyme D compromises the immune system, making us more vulnerable to parasites. You wont likely get a formal diagnosis for parasites, a stool sample is a waste of a lot of money (it is estimated the margin of error is about 95%. I have had 4 negative stool samples, but removed plenty with anti parasite medications). I observed my progress with  bio-resonance testing. I follow a protocol online and joined one of the many forums  where I found where to purchase medications. I knew I had parasites because of my  debilitating symptoms but I had been in denial for ages, “no not me” is of course what I thought. Tentatively, I took the medications and after about 4 or 5 days started to witness the dam break, so to speak. I never could have imagined, in my worst nightmares, that I could have been harbouring such volumes of parasites, but struggled to get an exact identification.

Of course I was horrified, but relieved to witness them leaving. I turned to friends and family to try and express what a traumatic experience this was, but was met with disbelief and suspicion, mostly in the form of silence. I did have one friend who appeared to believe me, and this was crucial to staying sane during these dark days of cleansing. Clearly this was something I had to go at alone, talking about parasites in our western culture is very controversial; its almost like the concept is not one we have embraced into our psyche. Although we acknowledge that our animals need routinely de-worming, we omit to consider it for ourselves. Many people believe this may be beneficial to the Pharmaceutical Industry, and that parasites may actually be the CAUSE of many diseases. The very well renowned and revered Functional Medicine practitioner that I first saw in the UK, once said to me that “parasites are the medical profession’s best kept secret”. Perhaps it is because we fear them so much, we would rather believe someone is mad than riddled with parasites.

Repeating was necessary and as I found, it can take years. It is unlikely you will see them otherwise. Starting slow with Mebendazole, which is easily available online from various pharmacies,  is a good idea as it works in the gut rather than the whole body, before working  up to using systemic meds. The colon must be clear, and bowel movements must be regular when using parasite meds, so psyllium and bentonite is best used to follow  dosing and as a bowel cleanse prior to dosing. The reason one must start slow is because when parasites are killed they release a dangerous list of toxins into the body which can include ammonia and heavy metals, as well as the myriad of bacteria and virus’s they are coexisting with within the biofilm matrix, and this can make you very sick. Using binders such as the psyllium and bentonite really is of paramount importance, as is keeping well hydrated. In order for the meds to work well I needed to restrict portion size when taking with food. If you have liver toxicity, or suspect you have, it is a good idea to get your liver enzymes checked before and during a protocol. Of course it is preferable to visit a trained parasitologist or a functional medicine practitioner, but for many of us this is not financially feasible, an appointment with a parasitologist within the UK will not get you very far because without the positive stool diagnosis you will not be treated.

Many people start with herbal cleanses but in my experience they are not powerful enough to have any substantial benefit. I did try to tell myself I had cleansed through following a herbal protocol, after nothing could be seen I was happy to believe I was parasite free. A much different story after using pharma meds. Some people favour a more holistic approach than pharmaceutical, but for me this meant very ‘aggressive’ use of herbs, I had taken different Chinese herbs as well as the standard ones that are usually recommended, but found no results although some do when taken for long periods of time. But my health was declining fast and I had to respond equally as quickly.

A favourite Functional Medicine practitioner of mine is the German born Dr Klinghardt. This is the doctor that I really wanted to see but alas he does not take new clients anymore, rather he tours internationally giving seminars and training practitioners. Much of what he advocates is rooted in treating parasites, and in his presentations he ties in many different alternative therapies to reduce the bodies burden of these unwelcome guests. Like so many alternative practitioners he rarely advocates the use of pharma meds, but has been quoted to say that anti parasite meds are the exception and usually a very necessary component in improving chronic illness’s.

One of the problems we see, us who use these medications, is that although they are very helpful and health can be dramatically improved, it seems impossible to eradicate parasites completely. This can be for various reasons, it may be that parasites have become disseminated meaning they have spread to various areas of the body other than the gut, which is harder treat, but also it appears that we are seeing parasites that have mutated and are fairly tolerant to the drugs. This is a very worrying situation;

Author and Lyme D ‘survivor’ Bryan Rosner has researched very extensively into using anti-parasite treatments as part of the treatment of Lyme. His latest book; “Freedom from Lyme Disease: New Treatment For A Complete Recovery” He makes some pretty relevant observations with regards to Lyme (Borrelia) and parasites,

“Many physicians and researchers now believe that there are also other, recently discovered community members living within the infectious colonies inside the body of an infected person. Modern science hasn’t solved all the mysteries surrounding this discovery, but we are beginning to uncover some answers to important questions. For example, we know that these community members are larger than Borrelia, Bartonella and Babesia, and we know that they play an important role in the Lyme complex. They are likely worm, or worm-like organisms, or even a number of different species of worm-like organisms. It is also possible that these organisms may have merged with Borrelia, creating a type of hybrid organism with shared DNA.”

I would like to know where Brian Rosner got that information from, he does not cite it in the article written for the website Public Health Alert here, but I suspect It may well be in part from Dr Steven Fry’s research, whom has caused a stir in the Functional Medicine world. Dr Fry is a regular MD and practices so, but he has generated a lot of attention due to his research into what was named the Fry Protozoa and now the  Protomyxzoa Rheumatica.  A protozoa put simply is a microscopic parasite,

“Protozoa, as traditionally defined, are mainly microscopic organisms, ranging in size from 10 to 52 micrometers. Some, however, are significantly larger. Among the largest are the deep-sea–dwelling xenophyophores, single-celled foraminifera whose shells can reach 20 cm in diameter.[19] Free-living forms are restricted to moist environments, such as soils, mosses and aquatic habitats, although many form resting cysts which enable them to survive drying. Many protozoan species are symbionts, some are parasites, and some are predators of bacteria, algae and other protists”.

His discovery came about through his interest in Chronic Fatigue Syndrome amongst his patients some years ago, he was intrigued as to why apparently healthy individuals would suddenly become sick, often after going abroad for vacations. Dr Fry discovered the new protozoa residing inside the blood samples of his patients and spent may years researching into what taxonomy it belonged to;

“At first I thought it was Babesiosis, and over the years, and a lot of money, and a lot of time, turns out it was actually a malaria-like organism with an extremely complex lifecycle that forms biofilm communities in the blood, it is a blood-loving parasite. And after mapping the genome of it, and we didn’t really name it until we had done that it’ probably a new genus, in the phylum [???]. You know, similar to malaria, similar to Babesiosis, even more complex genetically, sort of in between a helminth [parasiticworm] and a protozoan”

When I heard that some people with Morgellons Disease had been diagnosed with this Protozoa, and I read his interview, I began to suspect that I may be carrying this organism. After all it was insect vectored as Lyme is and its main characteristic was that it is a biofilm building protozoa. Could the tick that I was bitten by 20 years ago been carrying this disease also? Or was it the hundreds of mosquito bites I experienced whilst travelling Asia? The parasites I was passing after taking ant-parasite medications, the Ropeworms, seemed to be coming from or connected to a type of biofilm residing inside the gut, so I moved out of my home and into a tent to save the money for the very expensive test.  I got tested from the UK at Fry Labs in Arizona, and sure enough I was positive for the Protomyxzoa. I was sure this was my best bet to go to Arizona, but after a harrowing journey to the USA to see Dr Fry, I was told that my case was too far advanced, that he did not have the knowledge of how to treat the organism once it was in the “worm stage”, and he advised me to visit a Dr Amin the well known parasitologist, whom he added, was a close friend and lived on the same street as him. I knew a fair bit about Dr. Amin, he had his own theory of what the cause of Morgellons Disease was, and marketed this theory, even attempting to use a different name for it that he  chose himself; Neuro-cutaneous Syndrome (NCS). Crucially what I knew about Dr Amin was that he appeared to vehemently dismiss the existence of these Ropeworms. My colonic irrigation specialist told me she was going to a parasite conference in London, and as she was intrigued by the strange worm like stuff she could see exiting from me, decided to stand up at Q and A time, and bravely ask Dr Amin about Ropeworm. He preceded to shoot her down publically and true to his reputation, further denied that they were a parasite at all. She said she felt humiliated by his response, somewhat overwhelmed,  I could tell she withdrew her interest in my search for answers after that. Dr Amin should know right?  after all he is a parasitologist, but then why did I and many others, remove such vast amounts with parasite cleanses? And why would Dr Amin be so eager to dismiss the possibility. DNA sequencing of this organism had not been achieved, and at such a high financial price, it was unlikely to be neither.

Dr Fry prescribed me what he said was his most aggressive protocol of anti-parasite medications; Albendazole and Ivermectin, which I had been taking, pulsing, for at least a year prior to our appointment. These drugs were only partially effective, though it was true they had helped me immensely in the beginning.  After visiting a pharmacy in California, at nearly $2,000 for a months supply, I realised that the human version of these medications was a luxury I could not afford, unless I went to Mexico…….


Parasites and worms the new Lyme D co-infection

Protomyxzoa Rheumatica / Fry Protozoa

Morgellons, parasites and Dr Amin

Increasing virulence of parasites globally


The first time I heard the word Biofilm, I thought it was all starting to sound a bit sci-fi; I did think that people of the heath forums I follow on Facebook, were being a bit kooky. I was to discover though, that Biofilm is more relevant to my health than I ever could have imagined.

Also known as extracellular polymeric substances (EPS), a slimy substance consisting largely of polyssacharides  proteins, glycoproteins, and glycolipids, and in some cases, surprising amounts of extracellular DNA (e-DNA), Biofilm is a protective matrix that houses various organisms and pathogens.

“If biofilms can be metaphorically called a “city of microbes” (24), the EPS represent the “house of the biofilm cells.” The EPS determine the immediate conditions of life of biofilm cells living in this micro-environment by affecting porosity, density, water content, charge, sorption properties, hydrophobicity, and mechanical stability (6).”

When protected by biofilm, pathogens become almost impenetrable, they appear to work together as a community, and mutate into something that can become uncontrollable. This is one of the reasons why Lyme Disease is so difficult to eradicate. Together they are stronger.

There is a lot of information on what is known as ‘biofilm busting’, lots of herbs and enzymes that can facilitate the arduous task of breaking down the bioflm in order to treat diseases,  but it seems to me that measuring the efficiency of these busters is tricky. Often we rely on how terrible we feel to know if a product or protocol is working, which isn’t pleasant. But when this biofilm resides in the gut, well you know when you get that stuff out. But whats in it?

More and more people are discovering they are harboring this mysterious goop like stuff inside them, and going to great lengths to get it out. It can be linked to IBS, Ulcerative Colitis, even Crohns Disease, and has been given different names such as ‘mucoid plaque‘ and ‘ropeworms‘. Many different and dangerous toxins and pathogens are released when it is removed, and so removal needs to be done carefully, with use of toxin binders to mop up its aftermath. Many people all over the world are sharing tips and experiences online, some use enemas, anti parasite medications seem to help, but I have found the most helpful and affordable way to remove it is by drinking Psyllium and Bentonite shakes, or PB shakes as they are known. Add charcoal to this and it, for me, works a treat!

I have been drinking these shakes for about 2 or 3 years now, and I still remove this strange substance. It appears to grow quite quickly so its important to be consistent in whatever method you use. For many of us with leaky gut or dysbiosis, its evident that the biofilm does not stay in the intestines but can migrate around to the organs, and almost any tissue. Observing what is going on inside the body with bioresonance scanning, it shows that, like parasites, it particularly likes the gallbladder, this seems to come hand in hand with the infection which is commonly known as Ropewom.

Is this Ropeworm biofilm? well its a type of biofilm, in that it is harboring pathogens, but exactly what it is nobody seems to know. There are parents with autistic children that have found to be carrying Ropeworm, and the symptoms often reside when the Ropeworm infection is lessened. What most adults seem to have in common, who find this stuff inside them, is chronic disease. Most commonly Lyme and its co-infections are the pathogenic diseases, but also pathological problems such as gastrointestinal diseases and autoimmune diseases. Many of these problems seem to improve after long term treatment for Ropeworm. But only self treatment is possible. It has never been officially diagnosed and is the source of much contention within the medical profession, mainstream and alternative alike. The argument has been about whether or not this organism is a helminth (worm) or not. It behaves like a parasite, but so far no worm DNA has been found, though without funding adequate testing has not been possible.

Why is this so relevant? well finding that the removal of an unknown organism from ones body improves physical health and well-being is pretty groundbreaking. If chronic disease, many which are said to be a mystery as to exactly what causes them, is so widespread among sufferers doesn’t that suggest that were on to something here? If it is a worm then we should be able to remove it with anti worm medications, but they seem to be only partially effective. Does this mean that it is part worm, and something else? Could it be that the ‘city of microbes’ could be mutating into something more than the sum of itself?


Biofilm in the gut


Ropeworm and autism


Lyme and Co-UK v USA.

I have probably seen around 20 different doctors and physicians in the last 4 years, trying to understand what is happening in my body. Each person I have seen has not given me ‘THE’ answers, rather small clues. This was frustrating in the beginning, as most of us rely on these professionals to sort our health out for us.

When I began to travel out of the UK to see specialists, I was struck by how unempowered we are in the UK with regards to our health. We expect our doctors to tell us whats wrong, and expect, most of the time, to be able to take something to fix us, and we DON’T expect to even look at our test results. In America they seem to find this absurd, even the most oblivious tended to organise their own health; ensuring they receive their own copies of all the reports their doctors receive. It is not unusual to question a diagnosis and request exactly what they feel needs to be done with regards to diagnosing and treating.

This is of course due to the fact that in the US, with the exception of more recent advancement in free medical treatment in the form of Obamacare, medical treatment is covered by insurance ensuring it’s a profit making industry where money talks, and therefore the patient has some control. The NHS on the other hand is a publicly funded healthcare system. The investigative journalist Jim Edwards puts it quite bluntly when he says; “The National Health Service is, as all Americans know and fear, a completely public “socialized medicine” system. It’s dramatically different from the US’s patchwork system of private providers and insurance companies.” In his article he cannot praise the NHS enough, and quite rightly so, but that may depend on what is wrong with you. In the case of those with Chronic Illness’s, such as Lyme Disease and its many associated Co-infections (Lyme Disease never travels alone, often its co-infections are more debilitating and destructive than Lyme itself), the NHS appears to be lagging far behind.

The large majority of people diagnosed with Lyme Disease in the UK had to get their diagnosis outside of the UK in the private sector, the same goes with the treatment. With regards to the diagnosis, the problem is that the testing system they use in the UK is very out of date, therefore very inaccurate. A clinic that was set up by the NHS in Hampshire to treat Lyme Disease was closed down after only 6 months, leaving no support for those suspected of suffering with Lyme nor those diagnosed. After being negative in the UK (I was warned I would be), I was diagnosed positive in Germany at one of Europe’s most renown Lyme clinics the BCA , it cost around £3,000 with flights and accommodation, but sadly on my return the NHS still would not offer and support with my swiftly diminishing health, on the contrary, I was met with disdain and treated like a troublemaker for going abroad. This is not an uncommon story for those with Lyme in the UK, but what is it like in the USA? Firstly, Lyme Disease is for the rich, it is an expensive disease to diagnose and to treat, even without treatment it is an expensive disease as you must keep a clean organic diet, food and supplements alone can break the bank, for some. It is like running a false immune system.

It is a very controversial disease not least because the insurance industry in America will not cover treatment for it, though at least they do have MD’s who know about it, and are licenced to treat it, but at a very high price. Waiting lists can be up to a year in many states, and appointments often around $300 to £1,000 per hour. Even if you can manage this, there is no guarantee that what is prescribed for you is going to help you, as I learned, Lyme Disease is a complicated problem to tackle. No wonder the NHS refuses to touch it. What was useful about being seen in America, was that I wasn’t met with frustration or treated like a trouble maker when I asked questions, I could suggest what I needed according to my research, and I was listened to with respect. As it turns out my case was complicated because I had had Lyme for such a long time, I was suffering with Biotoxin Illness which was made worse with Anti-Biotics. The thing is, it was me who worked out I had Biotoxin Illness and the horrible complications surrounding it such as Multiple Anti-biotic Resistant Coagulase Negative Staphylococcus, or  MARCoNS. This took nearly four horrible years to discover, and at around £20,000 and with the average person spending £60,000 upwards to treat Lyme D, apparently that was cheap. Though I had to do most of the work myself, each specialist had only a snippit of information to add to the bottomless black hole of my researching mind, the truth is, that If I had not been in the States, I would not have been able to diagnose nor treat any of these problems and I don’t think I would be alive right now.

You see the complications and co-infections of Lyme Disease have proven to be far more debilitating for me than the Lyme Disease itself, which is a walk in the park compared to say systemic disseminated parasite infections, or Tachycardia symptoms and not every Lyme Literate Physician will be able to understand how to help you with these symptoms.

You could have all the money in the world, and as we have seen with the latest media coverage around famous celebrities such as Yolanda Foster, Avril Lavigne and even George W Bush, it doesn’t necessarily give you a fast-track ticket back to health.

The dirty truth is, that Lyme Disease is not meant to be cured. It is a insect vectored and sexually transmitted bio-weaponised organism  and the headquarters for its research within the UK is now based not in a hospital in Hampshire as was once the case, but in the UK’s Bio-weapons headquarters; Porton Down. This little known fact seems to be a piece of information that people find very hard to come to terms with and is most often met with suspicion, and understandably so. The disease was bio-weaponised after the second world war, but it is actually a very old disease that was found to have existed in an ancient fossilized tick up to 15 million years old. But it was modified, and somehow made its way out of one of the US’s so called ‘animal research centres’ known as Plum Island, off the coast of Lyme Connecticut (hence the name) to the community of Lyme, and between 1987 and 1984 Lyme disease first became diagnosed.

There are two distinctions when it comes to Lyme Disease, there is Acute and Chronic, but the problem lies within the fact that the main body which the American Centre for Disease Control, the CDC, takes its guidelines from; the Infectious Disease Society of America or the IDSA. Unfortunately for ‘Lymies’, the IDSA will not accept that such a condition as Chronic Lyme exists, that in fact after the standard 2-4 week treatment of oral antibiotics, if a person still believes they are suffering with Lyme Disease it is what they term ‘post Lyme syndrome’. This seemingly minor detail endeavors to save the beast that is the insurance industry of America and the UK NHS, a vast sum of money. In this like so many other politicized situations, Britain and America are in tucked up in bed together.

The other organization that spearheads Lyme research and treatment guidelines is the International Lyme and Associated Diseases Society, or ILADS, which opposes the guidelines set up by the IDSA and the contention between these two groups continues to grow. But whilst the arguments in what has been coined as the’ Lyme War‘ continue, many many lives are lost. The sad fact is that Lyme Disease kills. Mostly it kills slowly and quietly, many people are not diagnosed and instead are given the all too familiar diagnosis of illness’s such as Fibromyalgia, M.E, Depression, Chronic Fatigue even MS. Also in its late stages more serious diseases such as heart attack and autonomic dysfunction are common place. In the meanwhile peoples lives can be made miserable, people live a half life, loosing their ability to work, their zest for life and on top of this being treated as hypochondriacs, they all too often loose their will to live.

If, like me, your initial infection was as long as 20 years ago, the picture is going to be very complicated. I realised soon into my rocky road to recovery, that standard Lyme therapy, even if it was long term was not going to work for me. After the first few courses of basic Tetracylines, Anti-biotics just could not be tolerated and after several attempts, with the outcome that things had gotten worse, I had to go back to the drawing board. This was hard to do, when your very sick and your health is deteriorating fast, you really need someone to help you but alas, even the specialists in the US of A were not aware of some of the issues that I was faced with. I did not meet one specialist that was able to teach me more than I had already learned online, but still my information wasn’t enough. There was only so much progress that could be made at a set time, and I often discovered that healing too fast could be as dangerous as not healing at all. This is known as a Herxheimer reaction, or ‘Herxing’, and became an unwelcome part of my life for the last four years.

Establishing a plan of attack took years in itself, all the different layers of diseases had to be addressed in an order of urgency, and knowing which was what was confusing and frustrating. One has to take into account, mineral balancing, heavy metals, fungal infections, parasites and gut dysbiosis as well as good old fashioned killing off of bacteria, I learned that the bacteria are not always top of the list. But the hardest thing of all, is tackling Biofilm. This is because, I found that Biofilm is more than the sum of its parts………

Further reading:

Lyme Disease

Lyme clinic UK

Lyme Clinic Germany

Biotoxin Illness


Parasites and Lyme D

Tachycardia and Lyme D

Bioweaponised Lyme D

UK Bioweapons HQ

Fossilized Lyme D

Plum Island Germ Warfare Centre

IDSA Guidelines

ILADS Guidelines

Lyme War

Herxiemer Reaction (healing crisis)

Biofilm and Lyme














Friends, Romans and Countrymen, lend me your ears….


I am writing to you in the hope that you may find interest, advice or hope from my discoveries found along the road to health and wellness. There are a few weighty finds, some worth their weight in gold in fact.

First I want to go right back and tell you a little bit about my health story….

I used to ponder, for many years, whether a person could be affected by their parents state of happiness at the moment of conception. Like most of us do, I was trying to work out why I am like I am. I was plagued with some mysterious health issues for much of my adult life, and felt there must be a connection between health, and the soul. That maybe, what we experience early on in life could pave the way for how our bodies function ‘energetically’. I seem to be behaving like a vacuum for disease on an energetic level, and when I cast my mind back I realised that my problems had started way before I had reached adulthood. I asked my mother one day if she had brought me up to be overly cautious, as I can remember being incredibly anxious, even as a child.    She said she had brought me up the same as my brother, who was quite the opposite, quite brash and brave like many boys are. I grew up being quite reserved, shy and isolated from other kids, my earliest memory are of my mother and grandmother being brought into nursery school to talk about the fact that I would not talk. My paintings I remember were all over the walls in the nursery, and I remember the teacher exclaiming that I was incredibly expressive with my art work but just would not speak. Around this time, during an assembly of sorts (we were only pre-school age) where we all sat around cross-legged, everyone listening intently to the teacher, everyone except for me that is. I was looking at the marvelous colours this man had around his head and shoulders, like a rainbow. I was chastised for not listening for many years to come.

I found it very difficult to join in at school. I felt anxious about almost everything but something about art I found empowering. Perhaps it was a meditative state that I reached when I was drawing, perhaps it was the praise and adoration I received for being gifted in this area. Perhaps it was the need to be able to express what I was feeling inside that I struggled with in my everyday life, that made me a creative soul.

Later on in life, after being sick for many years I trying to unravel the complex tapestry of my life to try to understand why my body was so inclined to be this way.   The medical establishment had offered no clues, nor support. I for some strange reason had an impressive list of mysterious diseases that they both knew little about, and could do little to help with. Dr Do-little was my practitioner and he lived up to his name.

From a very early age I was quite ‘sickly’, often affected very much by mold. If there was mold in the house it was me that would end up instantly with a chest infection. c Back then everything was considered as bacterial and I was given many courses of antibiotics for this apparent chest infection. I would visit my dad at weekends, his trade was renting holiday flats to tourists in our seaside town of Bournemouth on the South coast of England I was always put in the room that had the mold, the room that could not be rented because of this mold. He bought and sold these houses over the years and I as a consequence I was regularly exposed to mold.

I had suffered silently with an eating disorder around the age of about 11, and diagnosed with Epston Bar Virus (EBV) at the age of 14. After this point for the I suffered very intense fatigue, I could easily sleep 17 hours a go if I was allowed to. The fact that I left home at this age and had to work nights to pay my rent as well as go to school made life very hard for me. My schooling suffered and I did not receive a decent education.

In the following years I suffered strange aches and pains in my joints, which upon numerous visits to doctors was told it was ‘growing pains’ or ‘double jointed-ness’ and by the age of about 30 I was diagnosed with Elhers Danlos Syndrome (EDS) and Fibromyalgia. I was confused, how could I have both? There was no blood test for either, rather a clinical diagnosis and no explanation as to what may have caused these ‘syndromes’. It seemed like there was a lot more going on that I wasn’t being told, but treated like a difficult patient when I asked questions. Later on after years of stomach pains, I eventually was granted an appointment with a nutritional therapist through the NHS, who diagnosed me with Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS), apparently caused by stress. I was advised to eat less vegetables.

This sequence of health events seemed to lay the foundations for a gradual decline in general health and well being, but to top it off I decided to put the nail in the coffin by travelling extensively  around India for many years. It was never a consideration of mine or anyone’s it would seem, to ponder the possibility that a person who had received vaccinations was vulnerable to bugs, parasites and infections in a country like India, and certainly not even feasible in the UK or USA!

On my travels I was bitten by a tick, and suffered with a terrible fever until, after a whole week, when the tick was discovered and removed. I did not know what Lyme Disease was back then. I had many other horrific bouts of vomiting and diarrhea, I had not yet grasped the seriousness of these pathogens inside my body and sadly I was not to learn until almost 20 years later. My health continued to deteriorate, but at the same time as being told there was nothing could be done about my vague diagnosis’s. One day, I decided to sit myself down and once and for all find out what was making me so sick, I had the internet now! There was no excuses anymore, everything I needed to know was there for me to discover, and I embarked upon the journey of a lifetime, the journey of self healing.

Though I have not cured myself of the many pathogenic organisms and complications that follow them, but I certainly have managed through years of research and networking, to slow down the speed of my decline of health and this blog is here for those of you with similar experiences, to stand as testament that it IS possible. It is a work in progress, but with dedication and commitment, you can too recover your natural equilibrium of good health. We all need support in reaching our optimal health, but what many of us lack is the belief that we can also take our health into our own hands, take responsibility for the wonderful vehicle for the soul that have been blessed with; our very own magnificent body.